Michelle Zamora

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Dichotomy

Even though this is my design blog, I'd like to write about things unrelated to design as they come up. I feel very pulled in two different directions as I start my new career in design. I put on a dress shirt and nice pants, makeup and earrings, and look at myself in the mirror. I feel unrecognizable. Thinking, "I look like a professional." So why don't I feel like one? Maybe because I'm not yet. Maybe because I've been backpacking around the world for the last four months and the whole professional life is more foreign to me than an actual foreigner. I'm pulled to be this woman in industry. A leader, talented and inspired. And then I remember who I was when I was on my own in a city I had no connections to. I was happy. Free, uninhibited...I think to myself, "I want to go back to being that person." 

Since I've been home I've noticed how many roles each of us play in our lives. Mother, sister, wife. Student, employee, activist. Business owner, practitioner. Father, husband, manager. I play a daughter, a former student, a young professional, a sister, and a friend to name a few. It hit me that I am all of these things in this moment. On the flip side, when I was traveling, I was singular. One person. The only one I knew how to be. The simplicity of it was clearing.

I'm relearning how to be multiple roles again and still be myself. Relearning how to be a part of a community, and how to be a better daughter and member of my family. Learning all the time about my passion for design. Reading, practicing, creating, and building. 

The last four months were inspiring. A bucket for me to dive back into when I need a breathe of confidence or to remember who I am. The dichotomy I feel is natural...Who is this woman I'm dressed up as... why don't I know her lines? I guess I'm about to learn them. Where is that girl, naked faced, sweaty and unshowered walking across a foreign country? My gut says, "She's driving, so just...go with it." 

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